I’ve hit one of those spots where I feel like things are beginning to unravel and fall apart again. Yes, this is likely to be one of those posts that goes on and on in random directions and will most likely bore you by the end of this very sentence. Continuing on…
So anyway, being a ‘crew chief’ for the #TSMFanCrew is great, but there is an awful lot of responsibility and effort that goes into it. Wondering if I am worthy of the honor of the title. Along those lines, one of my favorite ‘crew chiefs’ is stepping down after the Charlotte Truck race May 17th. Of course I understand the situation, for the most part. However, a couple things were said that confused me (felt like I missed something) and I am left wondering about the fan crew itself and how stable it will be. I know that some changes/ideas have been discussed (that I cannot go into) that I feel like are going in the wrong direction, or rather the right direction, just the wrong way. It’s hard to explain, but it just feels like it’s happening again like it did with the JTGD chat room. It just feels like everything I touch ends up destroyed or broken. Perhaps that’s just my perspective, but at the same time I feel highly guilty. I just feel like I cannot do anything right, that somehow I always screw up. It’s making me wonder about caring about things, because things I care about just well you get the idea by now. Also on the racing side, I am kind of sick of this season already. Not sure if it’s because I’ve been watching (or attempting to) all three of the top series in order to keep up with the fan crew and my normal Cup races. I’m not used to watching this much racing related stuff. I usually just watched the Cup races (and practices/qualifying).
Even school is starting to get to me. Starting to doubt what I am studying, again. Wondering if perhaps I should have been happy with the Associate’s and just run with it. I cannot tell much as far as if I like the class I’m in now or not, because we have just started, but so far it does not seem horrible for a psychology class. We’re working in groups again, so I hope that I am useful and do not drag my classmates down. That would be awful.
All I know is that I am very tired and not just because it’s late at night. I feel like this through most of the day. It’s why, as guilty as I feel, I just cannot keep up as well as I would like to on things such as the fan crew website or other racing related items or even my homework/discussions. It is not that I do not want to, but because I cannot seem to be able to gather up enough gumption to do these things or do them well (or as well as I’d like). There are other things that have been bothering me, but well they either deal with this one person or are other things you all will likely think are trivial so I shall just move one. And on that note, I think I will attempt to stop rambling on about nonsense and head to bed.
Even school is starting to get to me. Starting to doubt what I am studying, again. Wondering if perhaps I should have been happy with the Associate’s and just run with it. I cannot tell much as far as if I like the class I’m in now or not, because we have just started, but so far it does not seem horrible for a psychology class. We’re working in groups again, so I hope that I am useful and do not drag my classmates down. That would be awful.
All I know is that I am very tired and not just because it’s late at night. I feel like this through most of the day. It’s why, as guilty as I feel, I just cannot keep up as well as I would like to on things such as the fan crew website or other racing related items or even my homework/discussions. It is not that I do not want to, but because I cannot seem to be able to gather up enough gumption to do these things or do them well (or as well as I’d like). There are other things that have been bothering me, but well they either deal with this one person or are other things you all will likely think are trivial so I shall just move one. And on that note, I think I will attempt to stop rambling on about nonsense and head to bed.