Who am I? That's a question I ask myself a lot. And then I think about what I want to do or who I want to work for.
Then I realize that they don't need me. No one needs me. To most people I'm just a name, not a familiar face. I am no one. I have no purpose other than to go around trying to please everyone except myself. I listen to what others say I should do rather than make up my own mind. I am not sure I have a mind anymore. Nothing I think feels like it's me and yet it's so me. That I am only thinking in a way to make things easier, to have the "right" thoughts, to destroy who I am. My brain isn't what is was and yet it's the same. Is it better now or worse? Have I begun begun to see things in a world to which I've been blind; to think what I think could be wrong and right? Am I even thinking logically or is everything just a mess complicating what I want to think or how I should think? Am I simply going crazy? Everything makes sense and yet no sense all at the same time. I feel like my mind is racing at the speed of light and I can't find the light-switch to turn it off. Thoughts just go in circles and yet in different paths. The start is the same, but every circle is a different finish line. I try and try to make things turn out like they're supposed to, but I can't anymore. Everything ends up wrong; I'm wrong or bad or crazy or evil or something. I want to run to what I love just as much as I want to run away from it. It's all just too much and I just can't take it. I just want want to be alone. No people, no words, no thoughts, just nothing. I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I just want it all to go away. Just make it go away. The darkness comes but forgets to keep me. Instead it leaves me to go insane and to find morning just like always. Always. Who am I?
*disclaimer* if someone reads this and wonders about the ending don't worry, I'll wake up....