Well, I am still not exactly sure what to write about so I am playing the blog by ear. The only suggestions I got for topics were goats or whatever makes me happy. Well, I know absolutely do not know anything about goats so I am not sure I am qualified to so an entire blog dedicated to goats. The only goat I can think of is Djali, in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I don’t think that counts. As far as writing about what makes me happy, that could just lead into all kinds of trouble. The fewer secrets I have, the less of a mystery I am. Not sure if I am ready to really give all my secrets away.
1 Comment
Alright, yesterday I blogged about Bobby versus Kasey and that spiraled into my reasoning of teams and what not, as well as a tiny bit about going back to school. So here are more of my random and reoccurring thoughts that have been hanging around in my head a lot lately.
I have been doing some more thinking lately. Maybe sometime I can stop thinking and just relax, which would be wonderful. I think today I will cover the Bobby versus Kasey topic that I have been avoiding.
Well, here it is another new month of this year that seems to be going by rather quickly. Whether that's good or bad, I'm not quite sure yet. Anyway, I needed some place to think so why not this random blog of nothingness.....
Well a lot has been on my mind lately. Some of it well I have to keep to myself. I wouldn't want to risk insulting anyone with my thoughts or opinions on a particular matter. Actually most of what I am thinking about I cannot tell anyone, because well somehow I will become discouraged and not continue on with what I want to do, but I am currently planning a new idea in my head.
This week has been super exhausting so far. I have been painting and cleaning and arranging and I am so tired. I know I haven't said much lately, on here, Facebook or twitter, but my internet has been extremely wacky and hasn't worked for most of the week except for like right before I want to go to bed, which really sucks. Anyway, I know I have been able to create new stuff either, again busy cleaning up the house. I was going to write a really long blog on how things used to be simple, including the racing weekend, but I decided it was safer(and nicer) to just forget that entire story. I have come to realize a few things I hadn't noticed before and it has really, really irritated me, but if I wrote it out, it could hurt some people's feelings and I don't want that.
So, I hope everyone has been doing well and I'm sure you haven't really missed me, but still hope things are going alright for everyone. Hopefully I will be able to do a real blog later. Enjoy your weekend everyone! Alright, so far I'm thinking I may skip the Disney audition.
School stuff is still crazy but I'm pretty much done with week 6 and week 7 starts tomorrow. I'm so glad there are only 8 weeks in a session. I wish it was less, but 8 is pretty fast. Okay so as I start learning more in Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop, I'm going to be trying out making photo edits. Probably mostly racing edits. So please check my photo edits page under the pictures category. If there are any requests, let me know and I will see what I can do(can be for fb cover or profile picture or for a desktop background). If it's for your desktop, it would be helpful to include the screen resolution. If there are any photos in particular you want to use, please let me know. (Please use the contact me page and send me an email, so that I can respond to you and ask for further info, thanks.) Please don't expect me to send out an announcement every time I complete an edit, just check back every few days or so. And if you want to pay me for an edit, feel free haha just kidding. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Lots going on right now. I am no longer doing race recaps. I would if they would send me the chat log or if my internet would actually work on the weekend so that I could copy and paste, but for some reason things just seem to be going wrong. I guess I am not meant to do the recap any more. It breaks my heart that I am not doing it anymore, but it is what it is unfortunately. I hope that all of you will understand.
I know my last post was not exactly pleasant and even though some may advise me not to say this, but I am going to anyway. I'm sorry. I did not mean to go berserk. I have been dealing with a lot and most of it I cannot and should not ever say. I just feel so empty most of the time, like something is missing. I am not sure exactly what is missing; I just hope that someday I find that missing piece. I do not know that I ever will, but I have gone this far, a little farther cannot hurt, I hope.
I have dealt with a lot in my past, especially in the NASCAR area and I have just had it. I am sick of people telling me what to say, how to say it, what and how to do things, what to think, and what to feel. I am tired of everyone trying to run my life, tell me what's wrong with my life, what's wrong with me. Yes, I have issues, please stop pointing them out. Yes, I am a Kasey Kahne fan as well as a Bobby Labonte fan and if that bothers you, I don't care. Just stop picking on me for liking Kasey as well as Bobby. I realize many of think I just decided to be his fan last year, but to be perfectly honest, I have been a fan since he took Bill Elliott's ride in 2004. However, we couldn't afford, literally, for me to be a fan of both and I did pick Bobby over Kasey, but I never really stoped cheering for Kasey. For as long as I have watched NASCAR, people around me have made fun of me. They just never got it and I thought last year things were starting to turn around. I have been lucky enough to be able to help out JTGD with the chat log and I made so many Bobby fan friends, that I thought things couldn't get better. And then I went to the race in Chicago and I got to be picked on person again. It was fun in the beginning, I'll admit that, but it got out of hand. I still blame myself for the issue he had in the race, just so you know. And I have a bad feeling those stories probably haven't fully died and will come back to haunt me this year. I cannot handle it anymore. I have tried to be strong, but I am just not a strong person anymore. I don't know that I ever was. I've had lots of people tell me that I'm a good listener. That's great, but where is that person I can truly talk to. Every time I say something a little crazy, it gets blown out of proportion or I get tortured with little reminders of just how crazy I am for thinking the way that I do or for things I like or believe in. So even after gaining so many Bobby fan friends, whom I really thought would be able to handle things in a fairly calm and nice manner, because that's the kind of person Bobby is so I figure surely his fans will hold some of the same standards, I find out many of them cannot handle it well. So I don't know what's wrong with me, but I guess it will never truly matter. So when some of you wonder why I never say much it's because I don't want things to come back and bite me, because they always do. So when I said I was going to jump off a building, believe me I have been thinking about it for years now (or something to that effect). Most of the time I find other ways to deal with it, but I feel that one of these times, well...just don't say I didn't warn you.
|