I know that several have told me to have a good day based on what I have. So, I'm not allowed to ever have a bad day either? I'm not supposed to apologize, I have to be happy, and everything has to be perfect. Well, I said I'm sorry, I'm not happy, and nothing was right today. I think it's about time I made a change. I am not sure that I want to tell you what my plan is, because someone will tell me what's wrong with or want me to add this or that to it. It's my life and gosh darn it, I want to do what I want with it.
I'm sick of being the girl who sits and listens. I want to talk. I have a voice. I'm not sure many people know this. Just do what I'm told and that's the end of it. I want my life to be mine. If you could read my mind you'd be able to see why I act. You wouldn't want to be in there for long. I hate it myself. I know, I know...everyone's been there, done that. I'm sick of hearing it.
I feel so stuck right now. I have no idea why I went back to school. Not a single clue. That's why I left ISU. I felt stuck, like I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. But I had no money, so I got a job and ended up being just as stuck as before. So I quit my job. Now I'm back in school, no job, and I'm still stuck. I have no way out, so why am I in school? I'm stuck here, what would I do with a degree in Web Graphic Design here? Nothing, I'd just be miserable wherever I got a job. I reached too far and now there's nothing to do, but finishing falling. I should quit while I'm behind, get a job like a normal person. I'll hate it, but most people hate their jobs and get along just fine right... Besides someone has to take care of mom and I'm sure she won't, he won't, he won't...she might, but...that leaves me. Mom says I can go, but I cannot leave her here. Her life is here not there. I'm stuck. So why am I bothering with school, why am I bothering with the chat log, why am I bothering with the newsletter, why am I bothering with either of my websites, and why am emailing Tammy Kahne???? I have no idea. I mean I love doing it, but that's the problem. It's not going to get me anywhere. There is no point. I have no future. My only future is here, in a humdrum job, and taking care of mom. Every dream I ever had has dissolved. There's nothing left. I was stupid, again, as usual.
I feel so stuck right now. I have no idea why I went back to school. Not a single clue. That's why I left ISU. I felt stuck, like I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. But I had no money, so I got a job and ended up being just as stuck as before. So I quit my job. Now I'm back in school, no job, and I'm still stuck. I have no way out, so why am I in school? I'm stuck here, what would I do with a degree in Web Graphic Design here? Nothing, I'd just be miserable wherever I got a job. I reached too far and now there's nothing to do, but finishing falling. I should quit while I'm behind, get a job like a normal person. I'll hate it, but most people hate their jobs and get along just fine right... Besides someone has to take care of mom and I'm sure she won't, he won't, he won't...she might, but...that leaves me. Mom says I can go, but I cannot leave her here. Her life is here not there. I'm stuck. So why am I bothering with school, why am I bothering with the chat log, why am I bothering with the newsletter, why am I bothering with either of my websites, and why am emailing Tammy Kahne???? I have no idea. I mean I love doing it, but that's the problem. It's not going to get me anywhere. There is no point. I have no future. My only future is here, in a humdrum job, and taking care of mom. Every dream I ever had has dissolved. There's nothing left. I was stupid, again, as usual.