Now that some time has passed and I’ve reread a few of them, I can see how poorly they were written and why they were graded so harshly, well at least why for one teacher.
I have ruined a lot of things and relationships in my life, but probably the most during the last couple years of high school and the next few years after that. I’m not good at friendships or other relationships. I don’t know how to be. Sometimes I think it’s partially because I don’t want to get close to people. Too many people have left me, some it’s taken a long time to see why, and it’s easier to push people away before they have the chance to leave. Sometimes it’s because I’m afraid of letting them down or hurting them because of what the thoughts in my head tell me to think or do.
See how the topic sort of just bounced around? It makes sense to me how I got from one place to another while it might not to anyone else. This is just a tiny peek into how my brain functions (if it really does at all). And now I’m going to stop before I start up something else that’ll cause me to decide not to publish this at all, because I’ve done that more than a few times.