I was going to try and write a poem, but that is clearly not going to happen. Every time I sit down to write, my mind decides to go blank. So I guess I’ve decided to write this blog instead. I have been feeling kind of down lately, for several reasons.
For one there’s the whole JTGD rumor stuff. I’ve been running and running everything in my mind trying to sort out all the details. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I know in time we’ll know exactly what’s going on, but I just cannot help it. And then there were some things that I said in response to the rumor, which really had no reason to be said. I have attempted to apologize, but I do not know that I have been truly forgiven and the guilt is really getting me. I’ve made myself sick over it actually.
And then there’s the race coming up in Chicagoland. I’m really quite torn here. I’m not sure why I keep hoping that they’re going to let me go with them again when I know that that is not going to happen. And then there’s the thought that I cannot sit in the stands either and watch the pit crew from there and visualize myself with them the entire time. That wouldn’t make for much of a race. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure that I can watch the race on t.v. either. Just thinking about not going is making me quite sad so I’ll move on to the next topic now.
So there’s this whole school thing that’s driving me kind of crazy. I mean that’s that thought of I’m almost done and yet it seems to be dragging on and on. Then there’s the thought that I have no idea what I am doing or that I should be learning it. I’m really trying to figure out if this is what I want, but then there’s thee I’m already this far, it’s too late to turn back now. Oh, who knows…
And then there’s just the normal day dreaming of things that shall never be. At first makes me a little happy to think them and then once I realize it’s not real or will never happy I get rather sad. Thank goodness for music which works both ways. Sometimes I use it to cheer me back up or to dig further into the sadness. I usually go with the later. Yes, I know; you don’t have to give me lectures on be happy and grateful with you what have blah blah blah…
Alight, I think I’ve had enough writing for one night. It’s time to go back to my music and perhaps try to sleep some of this crappy feeling away. Not sure that will really work, but it’s worth a shot I suppose.
And then there’s the race coming up in Chicagoland. I’m really quite torn here. I’m not sure why I keep hoping that they’re going to let me go with them again when I know that that is not going to happen. And then there’s the thought that I cannot sit in the stands either and watch the pit crew from there and visualize myself with them the entire time. That wouldn’t make for much of a race. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure that I can watch the race on t.v. either. Just thinking about not going is making me quite sad so I’ll move on to the next topic now.
So there’s this whole school thing that’s driving me kind of crazy. I mean that’s that thought of I’m almost done and yet it seems to be dragging on and on. Then there’s the thought that I have no idea what I am doing or that I should be learning it. I’m really trying to figure out if this is what I want, but then there’s thee I’m already this far, it’s too late to turn back now. Oh, who knows…
And then there’s just the normal day dreaming of things that shall never be. At first makes me a little happy to think them and then once I realize it’s not real or will never happy I get rather sad. Thank goodness for music which works both ways. Sometimes I use it to cheer me back up or to dig further into the sadness. I usually go with the later. Yes, I know; you don’t have to give me lectures on be happy and grateful with you what have blah blah blah…
Alight, I think I’ve had enough writing for one night. It’s time to go back to my music and perhaps try to sleep some of this crappy feeling away. Not sure that will really work, but it’s worth a shot I suppose.